the first.

soo all the joy, fun, incredible adventures, parties, 4 birthday party celebrations, the beautification, the festas, the gelatos, and all the amazing stories I could tell....this one is even better.

it's even better when suffering is involved....that might sound a little different.

So here's my first real experience here in Italy after 3.5 weeks. A little background to this experience is that 2 months I had my SLR camera stolen and man did it really suck. In the moment I was extremely upset and without words. But in the end, I realized that I was "attached"....attached to material possession that I shouldn't be. I shouldn't have felt this Hurt feeling. In the end, I had to really live the present moment without thinking constantly of my camera, and I said my "yes" to God in each moment I felt upset. In the end, I felt God's incredible love as some of my friends gathered money from others and also my godmother had given me money for my trip to Italy. The amount I received was basically equivalent to the amount my camera was worth. God is always good.

So I finally got a new camera 3.5 weeks ago and this time I told myself that I wouldn't be attached to it. It's mine and I'm gonna take good care of it, but I'm gonna detach myself from it. These were words obviously that I said, but it's only proven when it's acted upon. So 3 days ago, a friend was telling me about her camera problems and she needed to borrow a camera for a few days for her trip to the Vatican. I realized this was my opportunity to really show that I'm no longer attached to my camera. In my mind and all my thoughts were thinking of all the consequences if I lent my camera. But with a smile, I said to her, "Yes you can use my camera." Even reluctant to give her my charger because that meant that she also needed the travel adapter I use for my computer. So I wanted to love her to the end giving her everything. Even though at times afterwards I worried about lending her the camera because she isn't a close friend of mine. But I reminded myself not to worry because worrying is a sign of lacking of faith and trust in God.

So today was the day she came back. She handed me back the camera, and speechless I noticed there were little scratches at almost every corner of the camera, along with a slightly bigger scratch mark on one of the corners, and one of the sides of the camera had been popped out slightly. I didn't know how to react, but right away it was "Jesus Forsaken (suffering)" knocking at the door. Loving him always, right away, and with joy. As Blessed Chiara Luce had done, "If you want it Jesus, I want it too!" ... I went to talk to her. We talked about the situation and she said she hadn't dropped it or anything. But the camera shows otherwise. There wasn't much I could say, but after I talked to her I said "Let's just try to start again." I was already late to italian lessons, and on my way there I just kept repeating to myself, "God Loves Me Immensely." over and over again. Because it's always easy when everything is going good and life is amazing the way you want it to be. But suffering only brings about true love and faith. When I found out that the camera was damaged; in my mind I said I'm not going to be upset or hurt, or at least try my best to not be because I don't want to feel attached to my belongings, attached to material goods.

"It's easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle, then a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God."

I saw her afterwards at dinner time and I approached her and said "I've let go of it (the situation), let's move foward."

So now its been a few hours since this happened, but again I'm trying my best to freely and with joy to embrace this suffering, such a small thing in the grand scheme of things. It's really just a camera.

And it's funny because I was reading this book "Purpose Driven Life," and it mentioned about what happens when you feel distant from God...especially in suffering. Not that I feel distant from Him, but I feel a little bit of suffering...just a TAD. and in the book it mentioned, only true faith comes from suffering, or moments of trial/ challenge. Many times, people rely on a "feeling or experience" when it comes to their faith, "I really feel God through this song, or I feel God's presence." But faith is not based on a feeling or emotion. What happens when you don't feel God's presence, and you continue to believe. To believe that God has a masterpiece plan for everything that happens. so last but not least, I love you Jesus, always, right away, and with JOY.